Intimate research Between loss and finding Along the last two years, walking on the archive Off the rails Hand by hand Deeply inside the meaning of what it was What it is What it could be With and without
Today I’ve put those photographs together for a submission and after that I’ve decided to scroll them as a carousel. The impact was incredible!
Meanwhile, the music was playing in the background. Bon Iver’s songs were passing on YouTube, in my kitchen, and the attention focused on “Creeks” (the incredible song of the ‘montage’), which brought me suddenly to Berlin, when I had listened to it for the first time at his concert. It had been sweeping!
Two years ago, October 27th. That period was very difficult for me because I was going through the worst period of my life. Till that moment nothing so strong and meaningless had happened before. The loss of ‘her’ put me in struggle and no one thing had sense anymore, even my life. No one thing I had done before to put myself in balance was there. Something inside was hopelessly broken. A visible crack on my soul as a deep gash on the wall. Loneliness and isolation took place. Frustration and regrets were the protagonists, made me falling in a profound suffering.
That precarious state of mind pushed to me to choose a way between living far away and the opportunity to join an academy of visual art in Milan. This last option had come from a visit to Scuola Mohole with a friend of mine, Cristiana. She had come to Milan to join it and I decided to go with her and take a look at it. The visit was surprising and it was the first moment after months I feel exited by the idea to take part of that ambient. I talked to my mom about it and she got immediately fascinated by.
I took a month an a half to decide. During those days I had been invading by fears and insecurities because of my less constancy, thinking of those lots of things I used to do in my life and let behind to end up in nothingness.
So really hard decision join the academy, due to myself and the high cost also, but I got!
I took it thanks to my mom. With no doubts, she was the most important inducement. She believed on me since the beginning and that put me on the right way. I really needed her support in a moment where there was no trace of my self-confidence.
Of course also thanks to Cristiana I discovered my new way!
The academy lasted two years and finished on October 23th (it’s curious to notice it’s almost the same date of Bon Iver’s concert!). It was a strong and deep ‘path’ where I walk on! The strongest one I’ve had till now, because of my persistent sentimental situation, night and day work shifts at the firemen station, photographic projects and ideas to be developed and produced constantly. So, a lot of mental strain.
Well, those photographs come from this long period ‘walking’ through photography, what became a transformation. A long ride from what it was to what it is today; from what I was to what I am now. Something that I describe like a translation to another level of awareness from your remote unconscious zone. That’s for me studying photography. It’s a really deep and intense conversation with yourself. More it keeps going on, everything gets more clear.
Photographs are not here to show how the process went on, but what happened in the meantime. Moments full of feelings! Every sort of feeling. Lots of new people in my life and new experiences to share and be shared. I took everything it came to me. Photography was the engine and I was obsessed by it; by several photographic strands were coming from every sort of source, in every moment. That gave me a lot a work to do because of the large amount of images and of course a mental overload. But today I have a conspicuous and valid archive which gives me reasons to keep going on with projects, and why not to show and talk about here.
So that’s ‘Diary of a translation’, a means to keep high this process, going in my research more deeply. Something that can give me more ideas and set a new way to work with photography.